Perhaps, speaking of music, I had no greater dream in life than to attend a Linkin Park concert.
Several times I was very close to dropping everything and going, but each time something wasn't enough for this, and I blame myself so much for not being able to. All dreams were shattered to pieces on the evening of July 20 last year, and I think I'll forever remember the details of that day - what I was doing, where I was, what music I was listening to, how I learned the news, what I said to whom afterwards. Too Late played all week then, and in an instant every lyric of every song became crystal clear, starting from In The End, ending with Talking To Myself, which got a video the same day. A day that became one of those that turn life upside down.
It's too late to turn back now
It's incredibly sad to realize how childhood ended in one moment. And in my head, like on film, all those wonderful moments in life that passed to LP songs were playing back, starting from that day when I first got my hands on cassettes with Meteora and Hybrid Theory in 2003. When I bought the Minutes to Midnight disc as a gift for a friend. When I listened to Not Alone over a hundred times in a row in one day on repeat. When the outstanding A Thousand Suns came out, not just ahead of its time, but released outside of time altogether. When I heard the first singles from Living Things and they, unlike ATS, conquered from the very first listen. Hunting Party with fiery features. One More Light, which, as it turned out later, explained everything that would happen next.
For two to three weeks after Chester's death, it was impossible to listen to Linkin Park without completely ruining your mood for the rest of the day. Not just listen, just living for some time was hard. Strange feelings, it's just music, and he's not my relative, it would seem why react like this. They say "don't make yourself an idol" and all that, but damn it, why even live if not for emotions.
What it was like for Mike, Joe, Brad, Dave, and Rob I don't even want to imagine. Only at the end of the year did they have the strength to give an insane three-hour concert at Hollywood Bowl in memory of Chester with a bunch of invited stars. The best concert in history, which could only have been better in one case. The best concert to flood the neighbors below with tears for 3 hours.
I almost lost it in middle of a couple songs
At the beginning of the year Shinoda showed signs of life again, releasing Post Traumatic EP with three tracks about how he coped with the loss. After the first listen, I sat and just stared at the wall for 15 minutes, it hit me so hard in the head. Then some time later the announcement of the full-length Post Traumatic, its release, the announcement of a solo tour, among the cities of which turned out to be our two largest cities.
Post Traumatic I remember as an album with absolutely masterful lyrics, nobody else could do this so cool. Musically the album sounds a bit awkward and, possibly, forced. It couldn't have been otherwise, everything in the album is saturated with the emotions that we all had this year.
The tour setlist changed from concert to concert and some things that Mike played left no choice but to go to the concert. I had a clear feeling that I simply must be at this concert and that I can't allow myself not to be there.
Concert
I'd never been to St. Petersburg, why not go to Mike's concert in the northern capital, I thought, since I'd already been to Moscow even this year a couple of times.
August 31, 2018. Mike Kenji Shinoda. A2 Green Concert.
Walking around the city on the day of the concert, it was hard not to meet people with Linkin Park symbols. They were everywhere. It's harder to talk about Mike's signature red and black shirts because they're so ordinary, but I don't rule out that at least some of these people were also going to Shinoda in the evening.
Approaching A2, an incredible feeling rolled over that now one of the main concerts of my life would happen, and tears almost welled up when it became clear that this red and black sea of people with the same unstable mood was going in the same direction and you're part of this sea. True, it was psychologically difficult to approach this place. The clouded St. Petersburg weather added to the effect.
Holding every memory close
Tonight is for our ghosts
Half an hour before the warm-up started, it was already impossible to push through in front of the stage. Considering that the next day Mike was performing at Moscow's Stadium Live, the club surprised with its small size, it seems even YotaSpace in Moscow is bigger, quite strange for such a huge city. Considering the immobility of the crowd before the concert and during the warm-up, I had to suffer a bit under the balconies, where even the sound from the front speakers didn't reach very well.
Warm-up. Husky
Nowhere, in no other city, never have I heard so much profanity towards the stage as in the cultural capital. The audience, to put it mildly, didn't appreciate it. First of all, this is probably the organizers' failure, but the people themselves, of course, could have been better. You need to show at least some respect to the warm-up, it was chosen in part by the artist you came for. At least suffer in silence. I thought that the people around me were my family, but it turns out that family is so-so. In general, people at this concert were rather a black cell than a red one, and this is one of the main factors by which the overall impression is formed. I had to push forward a bit just to not spoil my impression because I heard more profanity than music and the performer.
In this aspect, St. Petersburg showed itself disgustingly and rather provincially, what happened didn't pull for the capital at all. In Moscow, in my memory, the audience has always been excellent, but still I won't judge the city by one concert.
Husky's performance was good, I'll definitely go to his concert in Saratov to evaluate again, but being in the company of people who came specifically for him. The guitar accompaniment sounded very unusual and unexpected.
Mike Shinoda
Mike appeared on stage. Incredible impressions, your idol, whose concert you wanted to attend for the last 15 years, most of whose songs you know by heart from beginning to end, emerged from the darkness 10 meters from you. With this person you've spent so much time in headphones that you easily recognize this voice from thousands.
https://www.instagram.com/m_shinoda/
Petrified as the start of the set was simultaneously a time machine and some kind of toggle switch in the head. Everything that was happening around became absolutely unimportant, but what was happening in the head - it's delight, this concert was in fact entirely in my head.
The crowd on the dance floor traditionally mixed on the very first notes, finding myself closer to the center and to the stage it became much more pleasant to watch the concert.
I knew it would be like this, I was sure I wouldn't survive In The End - Heavy - Burn It Down - Numb, before which Mike asks the audience to sing Chester's parts, and he himself plays very sad notes on the keys. But this wasn't the scariest moment.
I was torn apart where I expected it least, even earlier, on the last lines of Chester in Waiting For The End I cried everything out and lost my voice. Right on these:
I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
Listing all the tracks is absolutely pointless, everything sounded wonderful, tracks from One More Light sounded unexpectedly cool. Papercut was absolutely everything excellent. It was very nice to hear Fort Minor tracks.
You don't have to be sad. But sometimes you want
These words of Mike from the stage - as a description of everything.
Even writing this text now is hard, every word is given with great difficulty due to the fact that the entire range of my emotions can't be described in words, there are no such words. Now it becomes clear how much I personally needed this concert.
Mike's concert can't be compared to any of the hundred I've attended so far. This wasn't quite about music, this was about life. About music some other time. Thank you for everything, guys.
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do